Tuesday, March 16, 2010

My Private Hell

I am so lost.

I'm confused, angry, sad, unconfident, infertile.

I hate all of these feelings TTC puts me through, or at least this cycle. I feel like a broken record. Again, I don't know if/when I have ovulated. My temp took a dive this morning. I've stopped OPKing because I got my +'s but now my temp dropped and I'm wondering if I even ovulated at all.

Why is this happening to me now? I've had spot on cycles every month until March. This really hurts. I'm not even sure why I am continuing to try this month. I'm losing a lot of faith that anything good will come out of this cycle. I was just trying to get a glimpse of when AF might arrive.

I was so mad this morning, I almost threw my thermometer, shattering it against the wall. I feel like I am in my own private hell. DH is still asleep in the other room and I am suffering alone.

I need a distraction. A big one, and I'm tired of using work as my fallback.


  1. *huge hugs* I wish we could go out for a TTC distraction day together and do all kinds of fun stuff to keep our minds of this madness! Thinking of you and sending lots of love and hugs!

  2. *hugs*

    I know what you mean when you say you're in your own private hell. I feel like that sometimes. I feel like Hubs doesn't understand or care. But just know we are here and you're never alone.

    I hope it gets better.

  3. IF is a private hell. I will confess to wanting to bash my thermometer up with a hammer on more than one occassion when it wasn't giving me any sensible temperatures.

    Know that I am thinking about you here. I hope it gets better!!

  4. Hang in there! Infertility is just so hard...

  5. This is our own private form of hell! You are trying at home right? I read as long as you have sex every other day, you will be covered. HUGE HUGS!!! We all know the stresses...don't worry about sounding like a broken record! We all know the tune all too well!

  6. I am humbled by you all. Thank you so much for your support. I know I am not alone, even though sometimes my mind tries to convince me otherwise.

  7. March must be a crappy month for most of us. I don't think I O'ed either this month. Doesn't it make you want to rip out your reproductive parts and slap them back into working order?

    And as much as husbands say they understand and are supportive, I think most don't really have a clue what kind of hell IF women go through.

  8. I think I totally agree with you Jenny. I'm not really sure how they could understand, and maybe that's why I felt alone.

    I also have a few friends I follow on fertilityfriend.com tha are also having a rough March. Seriously, I thought Spring was when everyone got pregnant :-p