TTC Anxiety

I wrote a bit ago how frustrating the TWW could be when TTC. It seems to drag on for a long time. I just entered into the period of time where I could POAS with an early HPT test, however every day that passes decreases the chance of getting a false negative (sometimes the pregnancy hormone isn't detectable early, or doesn't make it to the urine).

I've been experiencing some queasiness, some days are good and some are bad but I do experience this feeling every day now. I had a bit of a neurotic scare yesterday because my temperature dropped .3 of a degree and I was feeling fantastic physically. I was not feeling well emotionally though because I had almost convinced myself that I wasn't pregnant. I didn't feel at all bad until around the time I headed home. I spent a whole day worrying for nothing because my temperature went back up and today I'm feeling pretty ill.

So why, if I am experiencing these symptoms and torturing myself with not having a yes or no, don't I take a HPT?? Well that's a perfectly good question with probably not such a good answer from an emotional woman. After the reaction from yesterday, I think at this point I don't know that I could take the heartache of another BFN. I know it's not been that long since we agreed to start a family but I think I've gotten carried away these past few weeks day dreaming about a baby bump and how we're going to tell everyone.

So, when will I actually break down and POAS? I'm not sure. It could be tomorrow morning (higher concentration of hormone that way), or I might wait until AF decides not to show. If I continue to feel worse as the days go, it'll definitely be sooner than later. I can handle feeling bad, but only if it is for a good reason.