Saturday, September 5, 2009

(UN)Great Expectations

A woman's focused emotional mind is sometimes a very logically unreasonable thing. Today is my forcasted O day and I'm shaking my head at how unreasonable I was this morning.

Last night, shortly after eating dinner, my DH got sick. He has a digestive disorder which causes him quite a bit of pain and other digestive ailments I'll not get into. I took a nap while he did his normal routine. Afterward, he crawled into bed and slept, I got up because I couldn't sleep.

I stewed over how we should be DTD but since DH cannot take care of himself, he got sick. We've both been eating unhealthy lately, and that can trigger an episode with him. He's also supposed to be taking a supplement and he hasn't. This same thing happened at the same time two months ago, and those were the only two times he's been sick in at least 4 months. I cried sabotage and felt he wasn't committed and wasn't pulling his own weight. After all, how could I get a BFP if the same thing happened 2 months ago and end with dear ol' AF?

I went to bed that night, upset. I tossed and turned and slept fitfully until the alarm went off for me to take my temperature. Shortly after, DH got up and I fell into a deep sleep. Unfortunately today is a very busy day and of course I oversleep. I never sleep past 9:30 but I did today. So from the get go I'm up in a bad mood. Normally I'm rarely upset from something the night before...if I am that's how I know it is really bothering me. Low and behold I'm still upset from last night, with the same thoughts going through my head.

We are open with each other, even under the notion that sometimes emotions are unjustified but we need to express them and deal with them objectively to understand the situation. I pick a fight with DH, say he's not taking care of himself and basically if we don't get a BFP this month that it'll be his fault. I'm upset and that it might not be fully justified, but I think some of it is. We talk about DTD but honestly I was too upset and didn't want to make a baby under those conditions. I just wanted some comfort, which I did not get from DH, but I had to leave so I left mad.

I did manage to cool off but it seems like after all these years DH still doesn't know when I just need a hug. When we both got home late tonight, we did have a discussion about the issues. I was unreasonable and hurt, he was dumbfounded, and in the end everything works out. Maybe I can blame this one on raging hormones?

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