Dreams Really Do Come True

What great timing I must have for my inspirational wordless Wednesday, because dreams really do come true, and they did for me.

This is the story of the struggles of two twenty somethings trying to get pregnant, and succeeding. It's just a warning for those currently struggling with infertility. I know pregnancy announcements are hard to take especially if you're not prepared for them.

My husband and I have been married for 6 years now, in fact we just celebrated our anniversary last weekend. This time last year we agreed that it was a good time to try and start a family. We were heading to Paris and were hoping to to bring back our own little souvenir. All the pieces fit together, in fact I had already started tracking my cycles in my calendar so I knew there was a great chance it would be our month.

Like every couple new to the TTC world, we were naive and thought we'd end up in the family way quite easily and quickly. Of course that would not come to be and I never even ovulated while on our trip, I ended up ovulating 2 days after we came back (and were sick).

Month after month we saw signs that this would be it. I eventually came to the conclusion that no amount of signs, babydust, FX, or luck was going to result in a baby. We just had to wait our turn.

In January I convinced DH to go see a Urologist to get a sperm analysis done. Results weren't bad, but they weren't stellar. We determined that some lifestyle changes and recovery from the flu should help and would repeat the SA 2 more times. Numbers got better, but motility was still low.

I agreed that it was my turn to see an RE, and I did in May. The day after Mother's Day in fact. Seriously, what was I thinking? I spoke to one of the nurses on the phone who was super sweet and willing to answer all my questions when I made the appointment. I met with Dr.Puzzle and really felt confident with the clinic. It does have the highest IVF success rate in the state.

The meeting was inconclusive though. He confirmed that I had ovulated, and that my charts were excellent and that he had no real answer. He suggested that the SAs low results were likely to be the problem and that we should move on to a non-medicated IUI. I was to call on CD1 with my news if AF appeared. I called 11 days later with news of my BFP!



This of course, I treasure as well. Fortune I received exactly 1 week before the BFP

Meeting Dr. Puzzle

My first appointment with the RE (Dr.Puzzle) went pretty smoothly, well until the morning after when a had a mini-freakout. More on that later. So, I think I really like Dr.Puzzle, but he also seems to be a bit hard to read. I felt very relaxed with him, which is great. I'm the kind of gal that only goes to women doctors for her annual poking and prodding. I thought it kind of sucked that the majority (Like 95%) of REs out there are male doctors. I thought it would be a problem, but he was very relaxed and I felt really at ease with him.

The reason I call him Dr.Puzzle is because during our consultation he'd give me these looks, almost like he's giving me the evil eye. Kind of like if he looks at me a certain way I'll give up the key to my problem. It honestly was a little off-putting. That's when it dawned on me that he sees it as a puzzle, trying to look at it from different angles. He loves a puzzle, and a puzzle is what I gave him!

So, a bit of our history he wanted. We're both healthy, under 30 and unsuccessfully TTC for almost a year. I showed my charts which easily show that I ovulate, on average, between CD14 and CD16. No spotting, no difficult symptoms, no low or high temperatures and LP is normal. In fact, he wrote "Excellent Charts" in his notes. DH's numbers are a bit on the low side, but still normal. I got acquainted with Wandy rather quickly, and unexpectedly. Ultrasound showed everything was perfectly normal and he even showed where I had ovulated from my right ovary and pointed out the follicles that were still visible. The best looking ovaries he'd seen all day.

My case baffles him. I have mixed emotions about that. For me, the unknown is more scary and more frustrating that anything else. The diagnosis I would loathe to hear, "Unexplained Infertility". I know it could be worse, which is why I am comforted that it still looks like we're good to go, just that our number hasn't come up yet.

He asked me what I thought might be the problem, and I said I didn't know, that this is what is frustrating to us. I should have stated my position right there, that the reason I was there was to find a diagnosis and not just throw treatments at it. I was enamoured by the fact that I appeared to be fine (I was afraid I had cyst on my left ovary). Dr.Puzzle doesn't see the need to medically try to induce ovulation since I appear to be doing a capable job on my own. His recommendation was to head into an unmedicated IUI, and that he thinks the problem might like in the motility numbers and that IUI is all we'd need. At roughly $200 (!!!!!) a pop, not a bad deal at all.

We had a bit more conversation where we got to know Dr.Puzzle and his practice a little more. We met with someone from billing about insurance and fees and what not. That's where we learned that IUI is closer to $800 after all office visits, that the $200 was just the IUI procedure. IVF is $12,000-$14,000, which includes everything and cost depends on what stims are used. Insurance, of course, does not cover treatment at all. Then we waxed unpoetically about frustrations around the politics of it all.

I was instructed to call at CD1 IF it arrived (FX that it doesn't) and to call again the day I ovulate to get in for the IUI. It wasn't until after I left the office that I hadn't spoken about wanting a diagnosis and not just a treatment plan. Apparently it was bothering me more than I thought because when the cat woke me up the next morning I couldn't get back to sleep.

My biggest fear, that he had given an official diagnosis of infertility and that we'd go through with the IUI or several IUIs only to finally get an HSG scheduled and find out that I have blocked tubes. Almost $1000 a try, and then have to pay for the HSG out of pocket on top of it? It only makes sense to me to try the HSG first since insurance will cover diagnostic tests, plus HSG can help increase fertility by cleaning out the cobwebs.

So from 5am-8am I fretted about the fact that I'll probably not get the test done and that he's already flagged me for infertility. I left a message with the receptionist who called back a few hours later, and calmed me a bit. The visit was not coded for infertility and she'd pass the message to Dr.Puzzle after she got his dictated notes. Hopefully I'll hear something before CD1

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

Tomorrow I have decided to break up my torrid love/hate relationship of roughly 1 year. At times it was all consuming. The first thing I kissed in the morning and the last thing I touched before falling asleep. Some days I swore it off, threatening to end it all then and there in a fit of rage. Other days I sought its comfort and reassurance.

I met with the RE and he suggested that I could end the relationship, should I so choose. It's usefulness has all run out and the proof is in ink. I can stand up proudly and proclaim, I know I can O.

So, farewell to you, Mr. Thermometer. Its been a lovely ride but you are no longer needed. I think in the long run, I would be better off without you in my life. No more pouring over charts and 2ww temps to indicate any signs. After tomorrow I will no longer be a slave to your beeps and lack of a day glow light that requires me to shine my phone at you to see your face.

Please don't stare at me with your 97.70 eyes, or show me how LO you're feeling. You cannot guilt me back. If you are good, I will store you with some pink wrapped pillows for the next 9 months.

Farewell O Thermometer, it was a wild ride while it lasted.

RE Future

Last week I scheduled an appointment with an RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist) at a well reputable fertility group in town. I got a chance to talk to the receptionist that was very kind and helpful in answering all my questions.

I have to keep reminding myself that it is not too soon and that I am not moving too quickly. The appointment is in mid-May, and it's more of a "get to know you" appointment to figure out our options, what kind of treatment or testing we'd like to do, that kind of thing. Mostly, I'd like to get out of it the knowledge that we are doing everything right or what we could be doing to improve our chances before dealing with ARTs.

One of the recommendations on his website is taking a daily baby aspirin. I've heard of this treatment before, but I had heard its use in those with reoccurring miscarriages. It is also supposed to help with the thickness and quality of the uterine lining apparently. I've seriously considered adding it to my regime. Anyone had any experience with this?