Dreams Really Do Come True

What great timing I must have for my inspirational wordless Wednesday, because dreams really do come true, and they did for me.

This is the story of the struggles of two twenty somethings trying to get pregnant, and succeeding. It's just a warning for those currently struggling with infertility. I know pregnancy announcements are hard to take especially if you're not prepared for them.

My husband and I have been married for 6 years now, in fact we just celebrated our anniversary last weekend. This time last year we agreed that it was a good time to try and start a family. We were heading to Paris and were hoping to to bring back our own little souvenir. All the pieces fit together, in fact I had already started tracking my cycles in my calendar so I knew there was a great chance it would be our month.

Like every couple new to the TTC world, we were naive and thought we'd end up in the family way quite easily and quickly. Of course that would not come to be and I never even ovulated while on our trip, I ended up ovulating 2 days after we came back (and were sick).

Month after month we saw signs that this would be it. I eventually came to the conclusion that no amount of signs, babydust, FX, or luck was going to result in a baby. We just had to wait our turn.

In January I convinced DH to go see a Urologist to get a sperm analysis done. Results weren't bad, but they weren't stellar. We determined that some lifestyle changes and recovery from the flu should help and would repeat the SA 2 more times. Numbers got better, but motility was still low.

I agreed that it was my turn to see an RE, and I did in May. The day after Mother's Day in fact. Seriously, what was I thinking? I spoke to one of the nurses on the phone who was super sweet and willing to answer all my questions when I made the appointment. I met with Dr.Puzzle and really felt confident with the clinic. It does have the highest IVF success rate in the state.

The meeting was inconclusive though. He confirmed that I had ovulated, and that my charts were excellent and that he had no real answer. He suggested that the SAs low results were likely to be the problem and that we should move on to a non-medicated IUI. I was to call on CD1 with my news if AF appeared. I called 11 days later with news of my BFP!



This of course, I treasure as well. Fortune I received exactly 1 week before the BFP

Cycle Update - Implantation Dip?

So, for a quick recap:
I got a positive OPK on the day after my Wordless Wednesday post last week, meaning I ovulated on Friday. I had a temperature dip to confirm that so I knew. The problem with that is that it was before my normal predicted fertile window, and it was 2 days before I expected to ovulate. So, we didn't get as much BDing or time it very well (couldn't DB every other day like planned). In one way, it's probably a blessing that it happened early because it was supposed to happen the day of the Superbowl and I'm sure not much action would have been had since we were hosting a party.

Today I am at 6DPO, and I had this

Implantation dip maybe? I am going to keep temping normally until it goes back up (hopefully shoots up tomorrow or it's not an ID). For sanity sake, after then, I am going to chart in the evening instead of in the morning. That way, low temp won't ruin my day.

FX!

Obsession

Ah yes, I have been obsessing. I'm in my 2WW, little more than half way through, and I've just about worn out the chart overlay button on http://www.fertilityfriend.com

Yesterday I had a dip of a half a degree and this morning it was right back up, classic signs of an implantation dip. I also had some minor achy and crampy feelings last night while we were at the football game. They were bad enough that I wish I had brought some Tylenol and that I wasn't standing most of the game.

The only thing that does concern me about today's temp was that I didn't go to bed until about 2am and we realized that the house temp was set much higher than normal (almost 10 degrees since we drop it down when we sleep), then the cat woke us up at 4:30 and I was so hot that I had a hard time getting back to sleep. So I had 4 hours of interrupted sleep before I took my temperature. I'm not sure if that would give me a higher or lower than usual reading. It is noted on my chart but it is driving me crazy! I want to go to bed and wake up in the morning so I can get a more accurate reading. The only down side to that, is well tomorrow is Monday. :(

As for signs and symptoms, I have reverted back to how I was before I started TTC and charting. I rarely ever had any PMS/Pregnancy symptoms. I was always tired during the 2WW, but never realized it was related to the progesterone. I never had sore breasts or mood swings or bloating or anything like that. Usually exactly 7 days before AF I would have a bout of irritability, then sometimes I would feel down or be more sensitive. So my chart has been pretty bare, and I'm currently at 7DBAF (Days Before AF) and no signs of irritability or sadness. The only thing that's been a little unusual is the cramping I've been feeling. Whenever I get cramps, it's usually w/i hours of AF arriving.

So FX and *babydust* for me for a BFP. If temperatures are still high tomorrow, then I'll probably test before DH's SA this week, but even then it might be too soon for a positive.

Since Last Cycle...

We've seen a new year and quite a bit has occurred in the way of TTC.

First off, we're sick, or at least recovering now. We started coming down with symptoms on the first, what a great way to start the new year! AF arrived on Christmas morning. She was late, but no BFP. Let me tell you, it was a heartbreak after a heartbreak. I felt that I wasn't pregnant on Dec.22nd even before I tested. AF was due on the 24th, but she didn't arrive, mild cramping but not even a spot. I barely slept that night, a combination of being restless and being excited that I might be preggo. I even wasted a digital test that morning, BFN :(

The rest of the week was pretty much a blur. I couldn't really concentrate on work, I couldn't concentrate on my cycle, so I decided au natural this time. Just me, DH, the therm and some OPKs. I did end up taking guaifensin because of being sick, hey two bird/one stone!

At Christmas I told one sister to find a place to donate the crib. Since so many cribs have been recalled we thought it best to just get a new one. The crib has history, so it was sad to turn it down but I'd feel more safe with a new one. Another sister overheard the conversation and asked if we were going to see a LO in the near future and I said, "I dunno, I dunno if it'll ever happen". Of course by this time all my sisters were near so they all know of my IF concerns. I am glad they know and glad to be outed in such a casual way. I think my brother even knows because he he walked in on the "have him get tested first" part of the conversation. I just told him he didn't want to know what the pow wow was about, lol. He's used to it by now.

I did have a nice talk with my sister about her struggles with IF on NYE. I won't go into too much here because its her story to tell, but maybe one day I'll have her write a post about her experience. She even offered to be a surrogate for me if it came down to it. The talk was very comforting. Not only was she able to give me a lot of information and resources, but she also offered reassurance that some of what I was feeling was completely normal.

Also during the past two weeks, I have booked an appointment with the birth center and the midwives there to tour the facilities. They also cover well-women care so perhaps I'll make an appointment for an exam. I do hope I like the facilities and their policies as I'd love to have my birthing experience in a place other than a hospital. We are also in the process of getting an SA scheduled. I'll try and get DH to write about that experience.

Because we've been sick we haven't really been BDing as much but we seemed to have timed things well enough. The break has also rejuvenated a bit of our stamina. I am so very lucky though. On CD11 I contemplated starting OPKs, but decided not too. I didn't want to waste them since I never O before CD14. Since I had been sick, I was concerned that it would actually be delayed, but hoped for CD17. I started OPKs on CD14 and got a blaring positive. I'm glad I didn't wait any longer to start them!

Fingers crossed that I'll have to give my unopened box of CBEs (Clearblue Easy) to my TTC friend because I won't need 'em! Do you realize that it's quite possible to have a 10/10/10 baby from this cycle. How cool would that be??

Witty Title About SA

Yeah, I couldn't come up with one either.

So, DH finally got a script for an SA. We picked it up from the doctor's office when he went in for his cold/flu thingy we've been fighting. It gave us a giggle because the nurse there opened up the sealed envelope (it was waiting to be picked up, we just happened to get an appointment later and picked it up) to double check that it was right. She said, "and this lab work for a blood, err, umm, a test". I'm sure they are not accustom to these tests, but it still made us both giggle for most of the day. DH was completely alright with their little faux pas, and try to make them feel at ease about it.

The process it took to get the actual script for the SA is not as easy or as humorous, however. It was quite frustrating really, partially us being uninformed and partially a 3rd party being uninformed.

See, the whole process started with DH considering getting checked out. I'm not sure what prompted the move but since he talked about it, I tried to do what I could to give him the resources without actually doing it for him. I want to empower him through the TTC process so he doesn't feel like he's just a donor.

He found some research and decided on some lifestyle changes, ones I had recommended a few months ago. Mostly they have to do with limiting hot showers/baths, stop using the heating pad, and start taking a daily vitamin. Typical guy, he doesn't believe me until someone or something backs it up. Anyway...

Shortly before Christmas I "bugged" him into calling the GP to figure out if they would write the script or if they would refer to a urologist. They informed us that our insurance doesn't require referrals (already knew that but thanks), but gave us a few phone numbers for urologists in their hospital network. I also gave DH a list of Urologists covered in our network.

He called around and got some mixed messages from people. The idiot receptionist wanted to know what his symptoms were (uhh, lack of pregnancy?) then couldn't give any details about the SA and what is required and said they don't have a doctor that does that. Called back and got a different receptionist, the helpful one said there is a doctor 30 miles away that can do it, but we'd have to make an appointment and that the doctor wouldn't want to or need to see him but won't just order and SA so we'd have to have our GP write it. But of course when we called the GP first, it was just going to be a referral, no script.

By the time DH was able to call GP to explain the situation, the office was closed. Upon calling the next day and talking to a nurse and describing the situation, we got a script written from the GP but the office would be closed until the new year. When we get it we will need to call helpful receptionist to schedule an SA at one of the offices 30 miles away. And no, they don't allow drop off so we actually have to go in. Being the nice wife that I am, I agreed to go in with DH to help him, kinky.

GP's office is 30 miles away. I love my GP and so does DH. He's been my doctor since I was 12. I grew up and moved away, but we love him so much we kept him even though it's absurdly long way to go for a doctor. We've been sick since the 1st and it was also my fertile period so no SA. I'm not putting a cycle on hold, and we wouldn't get real good results during that time anyway. But at least we have a script, now we just need to schedule it.

I'm hoping that we'll get a BFP before we get the results back. ;)

Hold On Just A Dang Minute!

After a few days of thinking about our situation, my feelings haven't changed much. I'm still feeling frustrated and discouraged, but will changes make me feel better? I guess only time will tell.

Will I likely become pregnant by the end of the year? I feel doubtful. AF likely has a 'gift' addressed to me for Christmas. Will it happen within a year? That I am hopeful for, almost desperately so.

At about 11DPO I knew in my heart that my cycle was a bust, even as I willed my temperatures to increase each morning. Each morning I watch it fall. The usual month I won't know for sure until 13DPO.

I feel like a failure, DH and I sat down yesterday and I told him that I was giving up on TTC for now. It's too much pressure, especially when he goes out and tells his family that we're trying. So in a way I am dreading the holidays and the questioning looks that will inevitably tag along. What do I tell them? Technically we're taking a hiatus, but I don't really want to or like the idea of sharing bedroom antics with relatives. Awkward.

I'm still charting some signs for reference, but no special supplements or temperatures. It's evident that I am ovulating and that we're timing things well, so it's not a big deal if I stop with the BBT. I'm just going to rely on what mother nature tells me.

It just stinks that it really takes a year before anyone in the medical field will take this seriously. I'd just like a few tests, blood work or SA just to tell us that it's not all for naught. Its a lot of pain and stress to go through for a year to find out nothing would have happened.

All I can say is that it's been a hell of a year and not just because of TTC. I'll be glad if the year end on a good note. So for that reason, I'm going to try extra hard to enjoy the holidays on my terms. It'll be nice to start over with a clean slate at the beginning of the year. I know it's cheesy to think that, but it feel like it to me, even the beginning of a week feels the same.

Thinking of the future gets me feeling hopeful...gets me out of the mood of dwelling on current problems. I'm even, gasp, listening to a Christmas carol station on Pandora!

Y'know I've never had a problem with passing tests except for one

At least the "studying" is fun.

Another cycle has come and gone without success. I was upset and frustrated this morning, but nothing a cup of coffee, some chocolate and ibuprofen couldn't handle.

I'm feeling better this afternoon and I have to give props to my support system for helping make it through the rough patches. I figured out a few things. 1. If we have a successful next month, we'll likely have a 4th of July baby, or perhaps peanut will share a birthday with my doula. 2. We could tell family as a Thanksgiving/Christmas surprise. 3. I'd be out of the sickness of the 1st trimester by the holidays.


In the meantime, I WILL find SOMETHING to get my mind off things baby. I have a scrapbook and some photography projects to work on. There's also a quilt I'm going to try and sew. Also plenty of football games to watch and fall yard work to accomplish.

The thing that I am concerned with that will derail thar plan would be charting. I most definitely do not want to stop doing that. However I am finding that it is affecting my mood during the TWW day by day more than anything. How do I chart without actually seeing the results every day?

Guaifenesin Discovery

It does work. It works better than I expected, so much that I had more CM days than usual which made it a tad bit harder to predict the O day.

Tips:
-The liquid tastes disgusting, hold your breath while taking it and follow up with a glass of something to drink
-Drink extra water
-Eat something with it or it might upset your stomach
-Under no circumstances should you choke on it. It burns for hours

Personally I found it worked great for my allergies too! That's a nice bonus as I've had days were I am struggling with drainage since going off all my meds.

Delayed Again

I don't know what the deal is with my cycle. Last year it was 30 days on the dot and then somewhere in December things changed and now I never really know when AF will arrive. I mean, I knew usually 1 week ahead of time because of a notable PMS symptom but I couldn't tell you before that.

At least not until I started FAM. Now that I take my temperature every day and I have found out that my luteal phase is 15 days. Still, it can be hard to pinpoint what day I will O, but I do manage to narrow it down to a few days.

This month I thought I'd O on the 4th. I had a fight with my DH that day and was in a bad mood in general the whole day. It wasn't until 3 days later that my temperature dropped and I found out my O had been delayed a few days, yet again. I'm beginning to think this is a sign of a new cycle pattern for me. It seems that my cycle has lengthened to 34 days.

So I am relieved that it was delayed because our chances for conception are better. Now the countdown begins. I'll need to keep myself busy during the TWW or I might just go crazy!

Implantation Bleeding

There is a normal, but often not documented, phenomenon when a couple is TTC (Trying To Conceive) called implantation bleeding. It often goes undocumented because many women do not know about it, don't observe it, or mistake it for something else. Implantation bleeding is a light spotting of blood roughly a week to 10 days after ovulation. If the egg is fertilized, it implants into the uterus and could cause a bit of bleeding. Often this is mistaken for the start of a woman's period.

The difference, with woman with a normal cycle, is the time. Implantation bleeding usually starts 7-10 days after ovulation whereas early menstrual spotting would occur on the 14th day or soon thereafter. Also, implantation bleeding is just a slight pinkish or brownish discharge instead of heavier bleeding. Implantation bleeding is thought to occur in 20-30% of pregnancies and is considered common.

Source

The Ending, or The Beginning?

The period.

As I was growing up and learning about grammar and physiology, I learned that the period designated the end. The end of a sentence, the end of a cycle. Then, it starts over again.

However I have a new outlook. After studying about conception and pregnancy, I have realized that it's not the end but the beginning. It's the shedding of the old and starting anew. As odd as it seems, the outlook almost seems refreshing. Chemical reactions and hormone changes, it all seems so magical that everything works in tandem.

Officially May marks the start of my husband and I trying to conceive. We have just celebrated our 5 year wedding anniversary and feel it's time to get on with it. :) What I am most nervous about is my husband's mentioning to family that we'll be having a baby soon. I really must protest at his wording. I'm not preggers yet! I don't want to give anyone a false sense just in case there are any hiccups along the way.

While my perfect vision of events sees it happening quickly, I know not to stake everything on immediate conception. Only 20% of pregnancies are conceived during the first month of trying to conceive.