New plan of attack

We had an interesting discussion today over breakfast. I mentioned a book I was reading, "How To Get Pregnant", and how informative it is. The title got a little chuckle from DH, of course. :)

Over breakfast, I think we came to an understanding about TTC and the future. I feel a bit bad because I feel I pushed DH into seeing a urologist. It had been 6 long months while I was regular, like clockwork, we still weren't pregnant. DH did some research and it really started to kick in how important it was for him to change his lifestyle a bit as well. I think I was afraid that if I didn't keep up the momentum for him, that he wouldn't get around to seeing anyone. I know it wasn't the easiest thing for him to do, but honestly it was going to be the easiest thing for US.

The urologist released him from care with borderline numbers but no diagnosis for male infertility. Lifestyle changes seem to be slowly improving and I'd like to try for a bit longer before dealing with ARTs (Assisted Reproductive Technology). Surprisingly, he seems to be on the same page. He was eager for me to get tested earlier, so I'm not sure what has changed.

So, now we have a new plan of attack. We're going to keep up what we are doing now until July and then seek out diagnostics. July will be 1 good solid year of trying, then we will learn if ovarian stimulation will help, or if it's suggested we go onto IUI/IVF. Of course, if its the latter then we'll have to wait until we've saved up some money. I love the health insurance that I have, but it sucks that it doesn't cover any infertility treatments. Of course, there's always the Medical Flex Spending account.

BTW, I just joined the 2ww club. Currently 1DPO *Fingers Crossed*

Cycle Update, WTH Is Going On?

So as the chart would suggest, I ovulated yesterday. However I've come to know that TTC isn't an exact science. I'm about 99.5% sure that I didn't ovulate yesterday, but it's that .5% that kept me from going back to sleep this morning.

All other signs are pointing to NO, so I'm trying to trust that. I've been pretty busy and stressed with work. I can't really talk about what I do, and normally don't want to. The company I work for is regulated by the government and they've given me a lot to do. Normally it's great. I love having work to do, it makes my day go faster. Its just frustrating deal with things out of my control. Same with TTC!

The SA appointment went well. I told DH that I really didn't want to hear bad news because it would distract me from work and make BDing harder. I got my wish, numbers have gone up enough to satisfy the Urologist. He's no longer seeing DH. Numbers have started going back up which is confirming that the fever/hot baths were likely the problem. The picture that bother me though was the declining morphology. I'm hoping that vitamins will help with that.

So when it came to scheduling BDing, I had figured on Oing on CD14 (which is where the dip is on the chart). But when it actually came time do get down to business I wasn't interested at all. Honestly, it really worried me. I'm a bit of a control freak, so when things aren't working out right, it drives me crazy! After a relaxing few days, I've started seeing signs return. I think I will O, and I think it'll probably (hopefully) happen before the weekend.

The funny and great thing about that is that my best friend just told me that she and her DH are officially TTC and my delay would put me and her just about on the same cycle. It would be pretty cool if we ended up getting pregnant at the same time.

Thanks for putting up with this ramble. I know it's not organized real well but honestly that's how my brain's been working the past 2 weeks. Craziness!

Second SAmple

Tomorrow I am scheduled to go the lab to give a "sample" and then meet with the doctor to discuss the results of my blood work as well as the comparison of results from each test. I am little nervous or maybe anxious. This might sound funny but I have mixed feelings about whether I want something to be wrong with me or not.

That might sound a little odd at first but hear me out. If something is wrong with me and he finds it then we know what the problem is, the search is over. At that point he will either have a treatment or he won't. We might not like the answer but we have it. If he finds that nothing is really too far out of the ordinary to inhibit my ability to procreate then the search continues. I think sometimes knowing is better than searching. Perhaps its because I find it easier to accept what "is" than "what could be".

It's neat how quickly they can get the results of the semen analysis. I do feel a little bad however as we are missing bits of work more frequently as we attend these appointments. My wife is an emotional roller coaster lately from what I believe is a mix of hormones and anxiety. We deal with things differently, that and I don't have a long enough attention span to focus on anything long enough.

What I would like to get out of this appointment that we didn't get out of the last is a sense where we are, and an idea what we need to do. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

(Pro)state Of Mind: Anxiety

We met with my Urologist the other day to discuss the results of my "sample" and have my hormone levels checked. We didn't see the nurse we spoke to last time. The new nurse was kind but cold. The doctor met with us and though he answered our questions he also seemed distant and cold. We were both surprised by some of the information he gave us as it seemed to contradict thing that we had already "learned".

According to the doctor position is not a factor in pregnancy. His statement was, "As long as the man can ejaculate into the vagina that is all that matters". My wife has been in the habit of laying with her hips elevated for 15 to 20 minutes after ejaculation, a practice he suggested was unnecessary and a waste a time. He did say that hot baths can be an issue but that hot showers, sleeping under a heated blanket, or even sitting on a heating pad would not affect semen.

After answering some questions he moved into an explanation of the numbers and what they meant. For he most part my numbers are good. One number was a borderline and the other was a little low, all others were average or above. Apparently I have viable semen they are just sort of directionally challenged. If you know anything about me this extremely funny as I myself am directionally challenged. We had kind of hoped or expected that he would lay out at least some sort of preliminary plan or suggestion but he offered no advice on how to proceed.

In the meantime he wanted to do a physical checkup and blood draw. I'm not that fond of needles so I wasn't looking forward to the blood draw, but after the physical checkup it didn't matter quite as much. The check up was pretty much routine at first, stethoscope on the chest and back and listen to you breathe. I've never been sure exactly what it is they hope to get from that but I am used to going through motions.

After examining my chest he told me stand up and drop my pants! No one had mentioned this part before but what are you going to do? So I stand up and drop my pants and proceeds to examine my penis and testicles. A few turn your head and cough's later I assume were done and I can try and put my anxiety behind me. As it turned out my assumption was incorrect, as I started to pull up my pants he asked me to turn around and bend over. I can honestly say that the only thing worse than a prostate exam is a surprise prostate exam.

I have heard the funny stories from adults and comedians and their personal experiences and I honestly assumed they were subject of exaggeration. The whole thing never seemed like that big of a deal, but then I had never had one. I can share the details of the procedure if someone wants to hear them. I will say I was definitely not prepared for the experience and had they mentioned it I might have actually read a little more about the procedure and what to expect. I think the doctors execution of the procedure made it a little more uncomfortable than it needed to be. Immediately after he finished he got up and went to the door and started to leave. I am glad he had the presence of mind to push the door back closed and wait for me to at least pull up my pants. As it was he almost treated the staff to a nice image of my hairy butt bent over a table. Though honestly I don't think anyone there would care.

We have another appointment scheduled for next week. I am to give another "sample" and then in 1 hour we will meet to discuss the results of the blood work and the comparison of the two samples.

"SA"mple Experience

The day of my appointment to give a "sample" for analysis came and went without much trouble. I wasn't as anxious as I had assumed I might be. We met a very nice nurse that was currently going through a similar situation with her husband. It was funny but she told us more in 5 minutes than anyone else has in the entire time we've been looking into this.

The experience wasn't exactly how I imagined it but I'm not really sure what I expected. They take you to a room not unlike any other room in a doctors office. They leave you a cup and shut the door. When you are "finished", you leave the sample in the office with the door open and go the receptionist for any remaining paperwork. If you have any "problems" giving a sample you can let them know and you can try again another time. That was it.

I understand that is a medical office and everyone was very professional. It just felt odd. I guess part of me expected they might have something for "inspiration" etc. Everything was just very rigid. Go down the hall into the room, masturbate until you reach ejaculation and collect your sample. Thank you Mr. Roboto. I consider myself lucky and grateful that my wife came with me. Just her being there made me feel a lot less awkward.

After speaking with the staff we went ahead and scheduled an appointment with the Urologist there. Contrary to what we were told I was able to get an appointment rather quickly. The Dr. will go over the results of my semen analysis at the next appointment as well check my hormone levels.

Note added from Randifity:
This is where we found out the idiot receptionist really frustrated the experience. For future reference, abstinence is required 2-5 days prior to giving a sample, or low results could be found. We also found out that the time we scheduled for the SA was the time the Dr. had available for an appointment. D'oh! The next SA appointment will be more like what can be expected, SA and then wait to meet the Dr. an hour later for results.

What Is Dignity For?

My wife and I decided before we got married that we want to wait for a while to have children. Our life was still hectic and uncertain and while you often hear, "If you wait until your ready you'll never have kids", we decided to trust our instincts. Years passed and time brought with it stability and finally we decided we were ready to start a family.

It was all fairly simple in my mind; we decide to have children, we "mate", 9 months later we have twins. I was fairly certain the entire ordeal would only take one shot. When our first attempt failed, I was playfully indignant but I figured next time for sure. After a few months next time's were beginning to seem tiresome. We were somewhat impatient and after all everyone else it seemed was expecting so why not us? For days after ovulation we would try to read signs from temperatures charts like fortune tellers with tea leaves. Neither of us wanted to get our hopes up but I think we were both secretly hopeful.

Time seemed to drag on for a while and finally my wife suggested perhaps we take an extra step and check our fertility. The common sense approach of course being to test me first because it is simpler and cheaper. I remember as a child secretly fearing I might be sterile. I don't know why I worried about and as I got older I eventually put it out of my mind. My thoughts wondered back to this but I eventually dismissed it. I agreed and it was settled, I would get tested. After some gentle reminders from my wife I finally decided to call my doctor.

The idea of being tested never really bothered me, perhaps it hadn't sunk in. In my mind I simply imagined it as a quick "pit stop" followed by a call a week or so later confirming everything was fine. I picked up the phone and called my Doctor's office and after navigating the voice menus a receptionist answered the phone. It was in this moment, of all times, that the reality sank in. Up until this moment I hadn't actually spoken the words to anyone. Apparently whatever I said came out as a mumble, because she kindly asked me to repeat what I had said. My thoughts strayed for a moment to her voice. The receptionists in my Doctor's office are all young attractive women roughly our age and I'm about to discuss with them about having my semen tested. I reminded myself that I'm not 5 and repeated myself, "I would like to schedule an appointment for a semen analysis for fertility." She was very kind and explained that I would need to see a Urologist but because of my insurance I could just call one in my network and schedule an appointment without a referral. I thanked her and told my wife the news who then pulled up a list of Urologists in our area that were supported by our insurance.

Everything seemed by going pretty smooth. The next day I chose a number from the list and called. I navigated through the voice menus until I reached a receptionist. I started to explain that I was calling to schedule an appointment when she cut me off and told me she needed my information before we could go any further. She seemed very irritated and after of 5 minutes of questions she finally asked me what the appointment was for. Having gotten over my initial cold feet, I simply stated, "I needed to schedule a semen analysis for fertility". Her reply was, "Umm, we don't even do that here", in a tone that suggested I should have already been aware of this fact. According to her, there was only one Doctor in the that group and they didn't have an office on my side of town. If I really wanted to see him I could schedule an appointment, but it would be a couple of months out. The whole ordeal was aggravating and her attitude was uncalled for.

After a while, I decided to call a different Doctor a little farther away. After speaking to the receptionist and explaining my problem I realized all the numbers on the list were from the same group. Even though they were all Urologists, only one specialized fertility issues. The woman explained, however, that if just wanted the analysis done all I would need to do was call my Doctor's office and ask for a "Script" and then call back to schedule an appointment at a lab. Now at least I knew what to do.

As it turns out our Doctor's office takes the last few days of the year off, so around the first week of January I called and explained the situation to yet another person (Fourth time's a charm?). At this point it feels as though I may as well being wearing a tee-shirt with some catchy way of saying, "My troopers don't march!", but I've come this far and dignity was never that useful anyway. She informed me she would write down the details and speak to the Doctor and later that day they would call and let me know if he would write the "script". Once we had picked up the "script" I called the Urologist's office once again and explained the situation to another receptionist.

This receptionist didn't have a bad attitude but it was apparent that speaking with me was a chore. After confirming I had the script, she read the next available appointment and asked me if I wanted it. I agreed and she simply said, "Okay, your appointment is at the lab, don't forget your script". It became immediately apparent that this was all the information she was going to provide so I injected before she could disconnect. Now I was feeling a little embarrassed. I had assumed they would give me at least a little more information when I made an appointment, but I was wrong. So I asked, in my awkwardness, if I needed to abstain from um... anything sexual... or something for some amount of time? She replied, "48 hours", but her tone of voice told me it was more of an opinion and that she really just grabbed a common sense number that would seem reasonable so I would just hang up. I obliged her and hung up with sense of disappointment.

The problem is awkward enough to absorb without adding to it the poor manners and service. I still have a lot of questions. What do I expect? Am I just going to show up at some office to be greeted by some grinning receptionist that sends me off to a little room to ... well you get the picture? Can my wife go with me? I've heard that sometimes you can "bring the sample from home", is that option available? It feels like the onus for knowing these processes lies solely on the patient. Questions are met with the attitude, "you have the Internet just look it up". As of yet, I'm not really that nervous, but perhaps at the clinic.

All in all, if it turns out I'm fine and my wife decides to get tested, I really hope they are nicer to her than they have been to me.