The Dog Faced Infant

Last night I had a rather unusual dream. It was also the first baby or birth dream that I have experienced since becoming pregnant. I think it must have been a morphing of two dreams because the way it started is fuzzy and unrelated to how it ended. I was on some spiritual journey through a mall. I could hear a woman talking to me, someone I felt was a higher being. At this point, all I recall is that everyone was taken from me and I was encouraged by this voice to repent or something, but I didn’t understand because at no point did I feel guilt over anything or felt I did anything wrong; that the only way to get back to them was to feel sorry.

At this point it was probably the most vivid, yet somewhat disturbing part of the dream. Apparently I had been in labor, but didn’t realize it as I was walking. I felt a strange sensation and stopped at this metal railing and squatted. In front of me was a river of water, a part of a fountain made with light colored tile and was lit, making light ripples and shadows on the wall behind it. As I squatted, I gave birth to my baby. There was no blood, just kind of a gooey jelly. The baby’s head had the characteristics of a dog, the snout, the floppy ears, but no fur. I smiled, and kissed the snout, and was calm as if I didn’t realize it didn’t look like an infant. Suddenly everyone appears and I hand off the child who is then circulated among the group of family who all cooed and oh’d and ah’d at the child.

The whole time, during this dream I am switching back and forth between 1st and 3rd person. I was in the 3rd person when I saw myself hold up the baby and kiss it. I kept thinking, why do I not see myself concerned about the baby. Why does the baby have the face of a dog and why does no one else seem to care or notice either? I cannot see the baby as it is being passed around, until it is returned to me. At this point I am 1st person again, and concerned what everyone thinks of my dog faced baby. When the child is returned to me, it is a normal infant. That is when I woke up, totally perplexed yet calm.

So, of course I head to my favorite dream dictionary to try and gain some understanding of what my subconscious is trying to tell me.

To see calm, clear water in your dream means that you are in tune with your spirituality. It denotes serenity, peace of mind, and rejuvenation.

To dream that you are giving birth to a non-human creature signifies your overwhelming (and unfounded) fear in the health of your baby. You are overly concerned that your baby may have birth defects. This type of dream is common in expectant mothers in their second trimester.

To see a dog in your dream, symbolizes intuition, loyalty, generosity, protection, and fidelity. The dream suggests that your strong values and good intentions will enable you to go forward in the world and bring you success. The dream dog may also represent someone in your life who exhibits these qualities.

I think every expectant mother has an underlying worry about something being wrong with her baby, and I am no exception. I will admit I try not to give it too much thought. I have faith in God that I will not be given any more than I can handle and I feel confident that I have done all I humanly can to give the best start to my child. If something happens, then we will deal with it when it comes. However, it is comforting to know that this dream is not uncommon, and it does happen to fall near the end of my second trimester.

The rest of the symbols are also comforting. The whole dream had an underlying theme of inner spirituality. Upon reflecting, it seems as though it reflects important aspects of my expectations (and naivety) of birth. The woman’s voice is the guidance of my midwife or doula during the process. The journey alone being my own normal introverted response, being that I seek strength within. The water is symbolizing serenity and rebirth. The dog face infant and the reaction (or lack of) by myself and everyone else makes me feel confident that no matter what happens, my baby and I will bond, and will be accepted by the most important people in my life. I think it also highlights my underlying fear of not being accepted, which is why I was so concerned with why I wasn’t upset.

Wild, huh?

Day 29: 30 Day Blog Journal

hopes,dreams and plans for the next 365 days

Plans have always seemed much easier for me to decide on than hopes and dreams. Maybe it's because it seems more definite. Hope seems like something that's too far out of reach, and dreams are on a similar horizon. One attains to reach their dreams but there is no assurance that they will get there. Not to say I don't waste my time on hopes and dreams, but the "Type A" in me definitely puts more weight on plans than dreams and hopes.

Plans For The Next Year

• I plan to be the best mother I can be
• I plan to sleep very little and to live life in a brain fog
• I plan to do the best I can to balance my attention between my child, my husband and myself
• I plan on taking lots of photos
• I plan on being the typical first time mother
• I plan on drifting away from some friends
• I plan on deciding on the next step of our family
• I plan on baptizing our child and confirming my faith
• I plan on there being struggles with breast feeding, and cloth diapering, and attachment parenting.

Hopes For The Next Year

• I hope motherhood treats me well
• I hope I get more sleep than I plan to
• I hope that my husband adjusts well to sharing my time with the baby
• I hope my photos are inspiring
• I hope I get the help I need
• I hope I gain more friends than I lose
• I hope we can start on expanding our family
• I hope that I can breast feed for 6 months

Dreams For The Next Year

• I dream that motherhood is a breeze
• I dream that I won't be lacking any sleep
• I dream that I can do it all myself
• I dream that there is no conflict with work
• I dream that breast feeding and cloth diapering will be a breeze

Wordless Wednesday

New Signs

I've had a few signs that have me both a little excited and curious. Pelvic fullness, lower abdominal soreness, cramping, and a triphasic shift in my chart. These are new signs in addition to the headaches (that come and go, but seem to come more often this month), sore boobs, slight and unpredictable nausea/queasiness that somehow have cropped up now every month now that I am officially TTC. Seriously, my PMS used to be easy peasy, just some irritability exactly 1 week before AF showed and some bad cramping the day of. So, what's the deal with that? Maybe I am TOO in tune with my body.

Anyway, back to the signs at hand. The one sign I am most excited about is a triphasic shift...and actual triphasic shift. I'm sure that I've spoken about it. I always seem to get a temp spike around implantation, but it's just 1 day and it back down or falling. This time around I actually possess 3 days of a sustained 3rd shift in temperatures in one month. The official definition is .3 change after 7 days post ovulation where the temperature is sustained for at least 3 days. I am gloating. Bask in the glory of my chart (under the links). A triphasic chart, while not a sound early predictor of pregnancy, fertilityfriend.com determined that only 12% of charts were considered triphasic and 80% of those deamed such were later found to be in possession of the much coveted BFP.

You know what they say though, the bigger they are, the harder they fall...Will my dreams be crushed? Stay tuned to find out.

Overdue Update

I'm not pregnant yet. Quite honestly I'm not stressing about it yet because we've not really taken it seriously so far. I'm sure if it doesn't happen then we'll get more focused on it.

Part of the delay has to do with being busy and sick. But in the meantime I have been day dreaming and educating myself. I've read a few books which I will review a little later. I started charting at the beginning of my last cycle. I have to admit it is very interesting tracking the changes. I'll get into that in another post.

In the meantime I'm going to continue reading and educating myself, and charting and trying to have fun with babymaking with my DH ;)

Mini Baby Boom?

I noticed lately that there are quite a few pregnant people around me lately. There is a large percentage of pregnancy among the women at work, so is my neighbor, and 2 women who's blogs I follow (one is a photography blog, the other is a frugal blog). I mentioned this concept to a coworker, and they agreed. When there's no money to go out and do things, you go to bed early, lol.

It was brought up again today. A friend's wife pointed out a pregnant woman, and I commented about my observation. Her thought was that because I was more in thought about having children, I'm more aware of it. I'm familiar with the concept. It's the same reason when you buy a car, or a brand of car, you see it everywhere.

However, as stated above, I think my observation is legitimate, and not because I'm more subconsciously aware of it. In the past few years I have been interested in pregnancy photography, yet my research into that didn't turn up an unusual number of pregnant women in my life at that point.

Seeing them makes me wonder what it's like. It makes me dream.

Nursery

When does a couple usually start planning for a nursery?

Friends and aquainences around me have started having families the past few years and more recently they're registries have started piquing my interest. So about six months ago I started day dreaming about having children and the planning that goes along with that.

I've started asking my husband questions on how he feels about me getting pregnant and if he wants to find out the sex, etc. I always thought that I would want to know the sex of the baby, but now I am not so sure. I love the anticipation of a surprise and have recently been rethinking finding out the sex.

I spoke to my husband about thinking of decorating the room we are turning into a nursery. We decided to move things around in our upstairs and designated one of the rooms as a nursery. He mentioned that we couldn't because we didn't know if we should paint it pink or blue! This made me giggle because I wanted to decorate in a neutral theme so we didn't have to redecorate for each child. I have a feeling we'll be going back and forth on that for a bit.

Secretly, I started a private wishlist on Amazon for all of the things I'd like to have. I have hand-me-down nursery furniture, so most of the big stuff is already taken care of. I know for sure I'd need my own bassinet and car seat. Secretly I have almost everything planned out in my head.

Is this normal? I feel like I'm planning my wedding before I even have a ring on my finger!

Who Am I?

My name is Randi. My husband and I have been living in blissful unity for almost 5 years. We live in a 3 story house in the Midwest, close to where the rest of our immediate family resides. I am the youngest of my family while my husband is the oldest of his. Together, our family is complete with two fur babies, Bastet and Little Man.

I met my husband 12 years ago through a friend when I was a sophomore in high school. We are indeed high school sweethearts and consider ourselves lucky to have grown together during those years.We've had fun these past few childless years but feel it's time to spread the joy and add the laughter and pitter pat of little feet to our too quiet residence.

This blog is an outlet for my dreams, my fears, and information I get on my journey to motherhood. Feel free to comment. I'm a person who likes to be prepared before jumping into a pool. I'm going to try and be as honest as I can about what I go through because I feel there is a lot of sugar coating.