Showing posts with label TTC. Show all posts
Showing posts with label TTC. Show all posts

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Day 22: 30 Day Blog Journal

a website
Fertility Friend - A great resource and community for anyone on the TTC road.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Meeting Dr. Puzzle

My first appointment with the RE (Dr.Puzzle) went pretty smoothly, well until the morning after when a had a mini-freakout. More on that later. So, I think I really like Dr.Puzzle, but he also seems to be a bit hard to read. I felt very relaxed with him, which is great. I'm the kind of gal that only goes to women doctors for her annual poking and prodding. I thought it kind of sucked that the majority (Like 95%) of REs out there are male doctors. I thought it would be a problem, but he was very relaxed and I felt really at ease with him.

The reason I call him Dr.Puzzle is because during our consultation he'd give me these looks, almost like he's giving me the evil eye. Kind of like if he looks at me a certain way I'll give up the key to my problem. It honestly was a little off-putting. That's when it dawned on me that he sees it as a puzzle, trying to look at it from different angles. He loves a puzzle, and a puzzle is what I gave him!

So, a bit of our history he wanted. We're both healthy, under 30 and unsuccessfully TTC for almost a year. I showed my charts which easily show that I ovulate, on average, between CD14 and CD16. No spotting, no difficult symptoms, no low or high temperatures and LP is normal. In fact, he wrote "Excellent Charts" in his notes. DH's numbers are a bit on the low side, but still normal. I got acquainted with Wandy rather quickly, and unexpectedly. Ultrasound showed everything was perfectly normal and he even showed where I had ovulated from my right ovary and pointed out the follicles that were still visible. The best looking ovaries he'd seen all day.

My case baffles him. I have mixed emotions about that. For me, the unknown is more scary and more frustrating that anything else. The diagnosis I would loathe to hear, "Unexplained Infertility". I know it could be worse, which is why I am comforted that it still looks like we're good to go, just that our number hasn't come up yet.

He asked me what I thought might be the problem, and I said I didn't know, that this is what is frustrating to us. I should have stated my position right there, that the reason I was there was to find a diagnosis and not just throw treatments at it. I was enamoured by the fact that I appeared to be fine (I was afraid I had cyst on my left ovary). Dr.Puzzle doesn't see the need to medically try to induce ovulation since I appear to be doing a capable job on my own. His recommendation was to head into an unmedicated IUI, and that he thinks the problem might like in the motility numbers and that IUI is all we'd need. At roughly $200 (!!!!!) a pop, not a bad deal at all.

We had a bit more conversation where we got to know Dr.Puzzle and his practice a little more. We met with someone from billing about insurance and fees and what not. That's where we learned that IUI is closer to $800 after all office visits, that the $200 was just the IUI procedure. IVF is $12,000-$14,000, which includes everything and cost depends on what stims are used. Insurance, of course, does not cover treatment at all. Then we waxed unpoetically about frustrations around the politics of it all.

I was instructed to call at CD1 IF it arrived (FX that it doesn't) and to call again the day I ovulate to get in for the IUI. It wasn't until after I left the office that I hadn't spoken about wanting a diagnosis and not just a treatment plan. Apparently it was bothering me more than I thought because when the cat woke me up the next morning I couldn't get back to sleep.

My biggest fear, that he had given an official diagnosis of infertility and that we'd go through with the IUI or several IUIs only to finally get an HSG scheduled and find out that I have blocked tubes. Almost $1000 a try, and then have to pay for the HSG out of pocket on top of it? It only makes sense to me to try the HSG first since insurance will cover diagnostic tests, plus HSG can help increase fertility by cleaning out the cobwebs.

So from 5am-8am I fretted about the fact that I'll probably not get the test done and that he's already flagged me for infertility. I left a message with the receptionist who called back a few hours later, and calmed me a bit. The visit was not coded for infertility and she'd pass the message to Dr.Puzzle after she got his dictated notes. Hopefully I'll hear something before CD1

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

Tomorrow I have decided to break up my torrid love/hate relationship of roughly 1 year. At times it was all consuming. The first thing I kissed in the morning and the last thing I touched before falling asleep. Some days I swore it off, threatening to end it all then and there in a fit of rage. Other days I sought its comfort and reassurance.

I met with the RE and he suggested that I could end the relationship, should I so choose. It's usefulness has all run out and the proof is in ink. I can stand up proudly and proclaim, I know I can O.

So, farewell to you, Mr. Thermometer. Its been a lovely ride but you are no longer needed. I think in the long run, I would be better off without you in my life. No more pouring over charts and 2ww temps to indicate any signs. After tomorrow I will no longer be a slave to your beeps and lack of a day glow light that requires me to shine my phone at you to see your face.

Please don't stare at me with your 97.70 eyes, or show me how LO you're feeling. You cannot guilt me back. If you are good, I will store you with some pink wrapped pillows for the next 9 months.

Farewell O Thermometer, it was a wild ride while it lasted.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Baby Notes - April 19th 2010

I find out in a few days if I have been blessed with your conception. It will have been 10 months now since we've been praying for you.

I feel awful. My breasts are sore, going to the bathroom more, I'm even having cravings, for green olives of all things! However, I'm scared to be hopeful every nauseous feeling or twinge or flutter I feel in my stomach. Every symptom makes me think of you.

So long I have dreamt of you, so many tears I have shed because it just wasn't time yet. I am afraid to hope it is you because I don't think my heart can be glued back together if I am wrong this time. Too many times already my mind, my body has played these cruel tricks on me.

April 19th, 2010
11DPO

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Baby Notes - April 15th 2010

I have been a bad mommy-to-be this month, and I am very sorry. I have been working really hard o be more relaxed at work, I can get used to that. The weather has been unseasonably warm so I have been spending more time outdoors and moving around, which is good for you

However, I just can't seem to give up the junk food this month. Pop, sugar, fattening fast food.

I am trying not to be too down on myself. I'm still taking vitamins for you to keep us both healthy. I just need to focus on drinking more water and eating more fruits and veggies. For us.

April 15th, 2010
7DPO

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

New Segment - Baby Notes

I have a new segment I am introducing to my blog, Baby Notes. Recently I have found myself writing to my someday child. I don't know how often or how regularly I will be posting these notes.

Here is the First:
I dream about you every day, wishing and yearning to feel you in my womb. When I started this journey almost a year ago, I thought I'd be holding you in my arms by now.

Alas, you are not ready, but I am waiting. I take this challenge as a time to work on my patience. Every day passes and my wish for you grows.

I hope I can experience you soon.
April 13th, 2010
5DPO

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Making Up For Lost Time?

If you recall, last month I was really frustrated about my cycle.

This month seems to be taking a dramatic turn of events, perhaps making up for lost time last month? I'm not complaining, seriously very happy about feeling back to normal. My signs are about 5 days early though, so it's throwing me off a bit.

I'm thinking of starting OPKs earlier, perhaps in the next day or two depending on the rest of my signs.

Friday, April 2, 2010

RE Future

Last week I scheduled an appointment with an RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist) at a well reputable fertility group in town. I got a chance to talk to the receptionist that was very kind and helpful in answering all my questions.

I have to keep reminding myself that it is not too soon and that I am not moving too quickly. The appointment is in mid-May, and it's more of a "get to know you" appointment to figure out our options, what kind of treatment or testing we'd like to do, that kind of thing. Mostly, I'd like to get out of it the knowledge that we are doing everything right or what we could be doing to improve our chances before dealing with ARTs.

One of the recommendations on his website is taking a daily baby aspirin. I've heard of this treatment before, but I had heard its use in those with reoccurring miscarriages. It is also supposed to help with the thickness and quality of the uterine lining apparently. I've seriously considered adding it to my regime. Anyone had any experience with this?

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

My Private Hell

I am so lost.

I'm confused, angry, sad, unconfident, infertile.

I hate all of these feelings TTC puts me through, or at least this cycle. I feel like a broken record. Again, I don't know if/when I have ovulated. My temp took a dive this morning. I've stopped OPKing because I got my +'s but now my temp dropped and I'm wondering if I even ovulated at all.

Why is this happening to me now? I've had spot on cycles every month until March. This really hurts. I'm not even sure why I am continuing to try this month. I'm losing a lot of faith that anything good will come out of this cycle. I was just trying to get a glimpse of when AF might arrive.

I was so mad this morning, I almost threw my thermometer, shattering it against the wall. I feel like I am in my own private hell. DH is still asleep in the other room and I am suffering alone.

I need a distraction. A big one, and I'm tired of using work as my fallback.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

New plan of attack

We had an interesting discussion today over breakfast. I mentioned a book I was reading, "How To Get Pregnant", and how informative it is. The title got a little chuckle from DH, of course. :)

Over breakfast, I think we came to an understanding about TTC and the future. I feel a bit bad because I feel I pushed DH into seeing a urologist. It had been 6 long months while I was regular, like clockwork, we still weren't pregnant. DH did some research and it really started to kick in how important it was for him to change his lifestyle a bit as well. I think I was afraid that if I didn't keep up the momentum for him, that he wouldn't get around to seeing anyone. I know it wasn't the easiest thing for him to do, but honestly it was going to be the easiest thing for US.

The urologist released him from care with borderline numbers but no diagnosis for male infertility. Lifestyle changes seem to be slowly improving and I'd like to try for a bit longer before dealing with ARTs (Assisted Reproductive Technology). Surprisingly, he seems to be on the same page. He was eager for me to get tested earlier, so I'm not sure what has changed.

So, now we have a new plan of attack. We're going to keep up what we are doing now until July and then seek out diagnostics. July will be 1 good solid year of trying, then we will learn if ovarian stimulation will help, or if it's suggested we go onto IUI/IVF. Of course, if its the latter then we'll have to wait until we've saved up some money. I love the health insurance that I have, but it sucks that it doesn't cover any infertility treatments. Of course, there's always the Medical Flex Spending account.

BTW, I just joined the 2ww club. Currently 1DPO *Fingers Crossed*

Thursday, March 11, 2010

I'm Dreaming Of An Introduction



Got a + on the OPK tonight. Will be dreaming of a tango with these two for the next few nights.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Cycle Update, WTH Is Going On?



So as the chart would suggest, I ovulated yesterday. However I've come to know that TTC isn't an exact science. I'm about 99.5% sure that I didn't ovulate yesterday, but it's that .5% that kept me from going back to sleep this morning.

All other signs are pointing to NO, so I'm trying to trust that. I've been pretty busy and stressed with work. I can't really talk about what I do, and normally don't want to. The company I work for is regulated by the government and they've given me a lot to do. Normally it's great. I love having work to do, it makes my day go faster. Its just frustrating deal with things out of my control. Same with TTC!

The SA appointment went well. I told DH that I really didn't want to hear bad news because it would distract me from work and make BDing harder. I got my wish, numbers have gone up enough to satisfy the Urologist. He's no longer seeing DH. Numbers have started going back up which is confirming that the fever/hot baths were likely the problem. The picture that bother me though was the declining morphology. I'm hoping that vitamins will help with that.

So when it came to scheduling BDing, I had figured on Oing on CD14 (which is where the dip is on the chart). But when it actually came time do get down to business I wasn't interested at all. Honestly, it really worried me. I'm a bit of a control freak, so when things aren't working out right, it drives me crazy! After a relaxing few days, I've started seeing signs return. I think I will O, and I think it'll probably (hopefully) happen before the weekend.

The funny and great thing about that is that my best friend just told me that she and her DH are officially TTC and my delay would put me and her just about on the same cycle. It would be pretty cool if we ended up getting pregnant at the same time.

Thanks for putting up with this ramble. I know it's not organized real well but honestly that's how my brain's been working the past 2 weeks. Craziness!

Monday, March 1, 2010

Hormonal Imbalance

That's all I can describe what I am going through right now. I don't know it's even an imbalance, its just affecting my mood. PMS, only it's Post Menstrual Syndrome. I am on CD9 as of today and on this cycle day for the past 3 months I have noted emotional on my chart.Its the same emotion too, just a sudden mood drop. Not a bad mood, just really feeling down and sorry for myself.

It looks as though my body is gearing up to O on CD14 again, like last month. DH's SA is tomorrow. I have second thoughts about having it right before O, for two reasons. First, it kind of cuts in a bit on our timing, and second for not doing it is that I don't want to feel hopeless before BDing. This SA will probably give us a solid diagnosis. If numbers go up, then the fever is the culprit but if they don't then it's male factor infertility (as far as we know, it could be me too but we haven't done the testing yet).

We haven't discussed yet, or thought much yet, about what we're going to do if we do need to see an RE and if we do decide to participate in ART. I think partially because we don't want to get ahead of ourselves, partially denial that we are having problems. It weighs on me, but it's something I will force myself to think about after this weekend.

I really feel the need for some time off to sort through some feelings. I've been so busy with work lately, I really need some time to decompress. It might just fit in with some plans before we decide to go through with ARTs, or perhaps a second babymoon (which might be a bad thing considering the first one delayed O, which we likely missed).

*sigh*
I just feel so stretched, so thinly spread. I'm so tired.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Happy Valentine's Day!


Me and my two loves

DH and I celebrated Valentine's Day yesterday since my sister was bring over her LO, who is 4. DH is so great with her, which left time for my sister and I to catch up (and for me to work on her computer). The 4 of us ate a heart shaped pizza for dinner.

The day before, DH and I did some shopping and had dinner with my parents. How romantic, yes I know. We've been celebrating all week really, just doing little things for each other. DH surprised me with flowers on Friday and I surprised him with an edible arrangement on Saturday.



Cycle Update
I'm currently on week 3, or 9DPO. My temps are sporadic, and never really established so its really hard to tell how the cycle is going. I'm maintaining cautious optimism. The Dr gave us a 15% chance of conceiving with DH's numbers and if my hormones are playing around with me this month, then I'm sure that's even lower. After all we're already at a bit of a disadvantage because of needing to watch our timing and getting a + OPK 2 days early.

I've been getting twitches in my lower abdomen lately, which is hopeful yet confusing. I'm trying really hard not to read too much into things. My bbs are starting to get a bit sore and I've been wanting to go to bed earlier every day, but other than that I've not felt anything special. No PMS even, but the week is still young.

To keep my days sane, I am attempting to not chart my temperature until the evening, before I go to bed. I'll take it in the morning still, but I won't check the thermometer until I go to bed. That way I can get out the emotion, get some sleep, and then feel hopeful in the morning. I'll report back my findings, and if I'll be doing it again. I'm going to do some research on my charts to determine would be the best time to start it. I'll have to check when my cycle temps start to get rocky. I'm thinking of starting it tomorrow, but since I have the day off I'm not sure that I can resist. :)

Ah yes, I also got the "are you" question today from my sister. We were talking about vitamins. I told her I was taking a prenatal at night and she interrupted me with a, "because you want to or because you have to" inquiry. LOL! Well, I've been taking them for a year now...

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Cycle Update - Implantation Dip?

So, for a quick recap:
I got a positive OPK on the day after my Wordless Wednesday post last week, meaning I ovulated on Friday. I had a temperature dip to confirm that so I knew. The problem with that is that it was before my normal predicted fertile window, and it was 2 days before I expected to ovulate. So, we didn't get as much BDing or time it very well (couldn't DB every other day like planned). In one way, it's probably a blessing that it happened early because it was supposed to happen the day of the Superbowl and I'm sure not much action would have been had since we were hosting a party.

Today I am at 6DPO, and I had this

Implantation dip maybe? I am going to keep temping normally until it goes back up (hopefully shoots up tomorrow or it's not an ID). For sanity sake, after then, I am going to chart in the evening instead of in the morning. That way, low temp won't ruin my day.

FX!